Friday, 20 February 2009

My Name is Indecision.

I am about to find myself without a job for the first time in 28 years. A statistic that succeeds in making me feel old all of its own.

The question I face is, "What do I want to do next?". If I loved the work I do now, life would be simple. I would put all my energies into finding a new job in the same field. Of course, with me, nothing is ever that simple. I don't dislike my job. I don't find it too hard or too much effort. No, it's more insidious than that; I am indifferent to it.

It has been years since anything in my life fired me with passion and made me want to go all out to achieve it. I accepted the status quo and assumed this was an age thing. Of course, I ignored all examples disproving this self-delusion.

I have decided that I should seek a change in direction for my own good.

"Which direction?" you say?... I haven't a clue!

Friends are being tremendously supportive. I have a reading list a foot high. I have career counselling booked. I'm not frozen into inaction, but there is a sense that I am still just checking off items on someone else's list of "How to Go About Finding a New Job". I know I need to give myself a damn good talking to. I know I should see this forced review of my life in a positive light. But why can't I? That is the real question.

 

1 comment:

  1. Aha - a need for focus!

    Writing in any form is a good tool for helping discover focus, as once something's written it starts taking on it's own form - a blank page creates a dilemma, but once you start it quickly becomes a flood.

    I have a passion for writing and politics (small p, occasionally large P) as you can probably tell if you read my blog, so I'd like to encourage you to express any opinions you have.

    If you want to get in contact my email address in available on my profile page.

    ReplyDelete